Baby Emma came to visit, fresh from the hospital ward
Gracie reached to hold her, got her hand slapped hard
“Not like THAT, Mom - hold her head just so”
“We read a book about it, there’s a proper way, you know”
I’m thinking “Lord have mercy, we raised three of you
How the hell you think you got here, walking, talking, eating food?”
But I bite my tongue and nod along, try to play it cool
‘Cause apparently we’re grandparents now…
And we didn’t read the book
We didn’t read the book, no we didn’t read the book
Raised our kids on common sense, dirt, love, and luck
They turned out fine, or maybe their IQ dropped
Now we’re doing everything wrong, we forgot
We didn’t read the book
We thought we’d teach ’em fishing, catching minnows in the creek
Riding on the lawnmower, rowing on the river each week
But those dreams are grounded now, helicopters hover round
Any scratch or dent on that kid, we’re the worst folks in town
‘Cause we didn’t read the book
No, we didn’t read the book
We didn’t read the book, no we didn’t read the book
Raised our kids on common sense, dirt, love, and luck
They turned out fine, or maybe their IQ dropped
Now we’re doing everything wrong, we forgot
We didn’t read the book
“Don’t feed them people food,” they said, “they eat special from a jar”
“Bottled by a factory, shipped from somewhere far”
“Doesn’t need the fridge, won’t spoil, it’s scientifically designed”
I’m staring at that mystery goop thinking “Lord, what’s inside?”
We fed our kids mashed carrots, scrambled eggs, and garden peas
They ate dirt and what we were eating, on Gracie’s knees
But I guess that’s child endangerment 2025
We didn’t read the book, how to keep a kid alive
We didn’t read the book, no we didn’t read the book
Raised our kids on garden food and grandma’s cooking
They survived just fine, grew up strong
But now it seems, we did it all wrong
“We didn’t read the book”
I dreamed of teaching life skills, building forts and climbing trees
Helping round the house, learning work as they play
Facing screens all day, dopamine pacifiers bright
No concentration, social skills, entitled and uptight
Yeah, the book says its fine
“Chuck, remember when ours fell out of that tree?”
“Which time? They fell out of trees weekly!”
“And they lived! Imagine that.”
“Got some scars, common sense, bounced right back”
“Kids can’t even hold a book, swipe and tap all day”
“No chores, no responsibility, no learning how to play…”
“But we didn’t read the book, so what do we know anyway?”
So we sit here on the sidelines, hands tied behind our backs
Watch ’em handicap those children, watch ’em cut them slack
No sense of contribution, no belonging to the clan
Just screens and helicopters hovering, factory food in cans
We scratch our heads and wonder how we failed so bad
Raised three humans, but apparently we’re mad
The book says hover, sanitize, and keep ’em from the creek
And heaven help us if we let ’em climb or skin their knee
We didn’t read the book, no we didn’t read the book
Our kids grew up with dirt and fishing hooks
They can work and talk and think and care
They’re not afraid of life out there
We didn’t read the book
No, we didn’t read the book
And now we’re just the dangerous folks
Who didn’t read the book
“Gracie, remember when we raised kids?”
“Mmm-hmm”
“That was fun…”
“We were allowed to actually… parent…”
“Yeah… good times…”
“Oh my Lord. We didn’t read the book…”